the never ending switch
by LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken
Summary: You can't get away, no matter how much you want to, you can't escape the pain. You're stuck here. Just you, him, and the voices of your twelve personalities.


People grow up. It's a well-known fact. You get taller, your face matures, and you get some what smarter. But does your personality ever change?

Do you suddenly lose yourself and become someone else?

You like different things, your clothes and fashion sense changes, and sure you're going to go through a million different phases, but deep down you're the same person.

You have the same morals, the same quirks, and the same view point on life.

Introvert or Extrovert, loud or shy, bursting with energy or lazy as hell, you're going to maintain the same basic personality.

But what if you didn't? What if instead of being you and knowing who you are, you switch personalities through the day?

Not voluntarily, not on purpose, not intentional, but with the flip of a switch you're someone else.

Doctors call it schizophrenia. Too anyone else that would just sound like something a wasted person would try to force out before falling off the pole they were grinding on.

Doctors understand it as this,

Schizophrenia: A psychiatric diagnosis denoting a persistent, often chronic, mental illness variously affecting behavior, thinking, and emotion; any condition in which disparate or mutually exclusive activities coexist.

No one really understands this bullshit, because that's just what it is, bullshit.

But people who actually have it, know the real pain of it. Average people would just refer to it as multiple personality disorder.

They hear the words; they shiver momentarily, then forget it they ever thought about it.

But when it's going on every second of your life, you can't forget. It's staring you in the face all day long, as you wait in nail-biting anticipation for the next change because you don't know what's going to happen to you.

You live your life as you are expected to. Pushing yourself to do everything you should, even though you're exhausted and just want to sit down and curl up into a ball, close your eyes and never wake up.

You want to run away, escape everything and everyone. You wish you could close your eyes, count to three, and open and have a beautiful world smiling back at you. A world full of happiness and serenity, where everyone was accepted, and there were no complications to ruin the peaceful atmosphere.

He promised he'd help. Promised he'd run away with you until all of this s just a bad dream, a forgotten memory. He always told you that you'd be okay, that he was here for you. And you believe him, because he has helped you, and he does love you, but even he can't stop the voices.

"Everything will be okay." He'd whisper, his lips at my ear and his arms holding me to his chest.

Oh how you wish you can believe him.

But you know you can't, and that's what sucks the most about your life.

_You can't get away. _

You fantasize about leaving, about running away, getting out of this goddamn town and starting over in a new place where you aren't known as 'the mentally unstable girl with six people living in her head.' You yearn to get out, and you want oh so badly to just escape the hell you're living in, but you know you can't.

Because you can't get away.

No matter where you go, no matter how away you get, no matter how hard you try, you can't escape the pain.

You can focus and try, but the voices will always be there. They will always be telling you what to do, always contradicting each other, always sending you mixed signals and leaving you with a headache and indecisions.

You can't escape it; it will always be there, symbolizing your never ending hell on Earth.

There's nothing you can do but watch it kill you.

When will it _end?_

**A/N: Everyone has stories about Cat being Bipolar, so I figured I would try something new.**

**This is only my second Beck/Cat story, and as you can tell, I'm not that good at them lol**

**Please review and tell me if I should write more Beck/Cat.**

**-LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken**


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